Instead of thou

It's midnight. Before midnight, it was dusk. I noticed. I noticed the shape of the clouds during sunset. I noticed I haven't look up into the sky, my best solace, look up into the silver lining of every cloud, for a very long time now. No wonder the economic has been bad. Not the world economy, it's not affected by the up factor but my very own economical feeling and mood. In a spot of emptiness in the middle of the colossal of clouds, the orange-ness and gleaming gold of the sun ray shines right through signifying a provider of hope and direction which says, "Come this way." I did not reach out as I know, and I always do, that the view of the sky now, in midnight, will also says the same. This has been my solace.

I have to admit this. I have been lacking motivation and passion for these past several weeks. I've putting up effort in fifth gear to show a positive and optimistic side. But, as always, I could never muster to it all alone. I need companions. And as the only person aging 22 in the house, I seek companions out there. My brotherhoods and sisterhoods. I nearly forgot my best solace. I'm so unmotivated that I had seek the darker and lonelier path. Among the shadows cast by the walls on both sides of a lonely lane. Tonight, I remember, that there is always a dark friend that has been comforting me for these many years now. It's dark but it still sparkles. The stars scattering randomly made it that way.

I hold a grudge. Against you. Against your kind. I finally realized that I've not let go. Not even after these years. My grudge to sum up itself will hold a history textbook looked shameful. You've outwitted me. For that, I seek surrender. But I let go off my white flag with a taint of mistrust and grudge. I seek to change but I missed. I missed out several trains that would have lead me to a better platform far away. But I was bearing too much of this grudge. I could not blame you. I myself did the same before also. It is as what the old ones say, "What goes around, comes around."

In times of putting up a brave and bold front, I've always putting up a negative on my back. I need someone who would support me else instead of thou.