Purpose

We grow up. From the days when we were still sucking onto our milk-bottle till today or even the future. Anyway, the point is we grow up. All these years of growing up and learning are actually a way for us to sew on what is it that we want to do. As the title said, our purpose.

The beginning or the early years that we had, all and all accumulating in their own sort of patterns and distributions for us to know what we want to do for ourselves, for our future. And by now, most people would already have a rough idea on their lives' purpose while some might even already known of it ages ago and are already half-way into achieving it. However, knowing or not knowing our purpose now, it is after being heavily influenced by our environment. It might help or it might close an eye not lending you a hand. I'll have to put it in such ways that most of the time, only the determined ones are able to receive the lending loan needed.

As for I myself, the lending hand has not reached me yet. I do not blame. As, even now, I'm still unaware of my own purpose. Would I want to set my purpose as to bring up my career to as far and as successful as possible? Would I want to set my purpose in other fames that I might be interested on? Would I set my purpose to just live day by day, minutes by minutes and of course every moment counts?

My inner-self is telling me, living on day by day on a regular routine would not get me satisfaction. My inner-self claims putting in some beats into my regular world would definitely brighten up my mundane world. My conscious tells me that I should live on as simple and as attentive as possible while cherishing every moment to build a proper and stable life. My conscious tells me too that in the world nowadays, being successful would definitely gives me the feeling of euphoria. What is success? For me, it's just being and doing better today than yesterday. My heart tells me that being happy for yourself is a success. The question comes back every time then, which way is what?

The feeling of purpose-less really does take its toll on people or at least for me. Knowing what I want to do would definitely make me feel better. Not knowing takes away the energy from me. Heartless to do, clueless on myself, drive-less to be happy.

I've known the happiness and the great feeling of having a purpose or at least know what to do before. I could only say that those times were the 2 years where I did my college. I have control of my desires and walkings. I do have a protocol that I would need to follow of course such as courses that I'll need to take. But at the same time, I was given the call to take up my very own like-able courses. One of the reasons I have loads of funny courses in my list but at least I know I want them. Having or knowing what you want is what I believe that sets you to be happy and to be yourself as what that 2 years in college have done to me. I was myself.

Lost Control

I woke up this morning~ duhhh!

I woke up this morning feeling weird (not those stickiness issue weird of course). I tried recalling my sleeping memories and came into the conclusion that I have indeed lost my special ability. I asked myself, "How could that happen? Now I won't get any special attentions anymore!"

Guess what my special ability is. It's the ability to control my dreams. I can actually at times control what I want to dream and how I want it to be! Shocked? Well, I don't suppose so as there are quite a few people whom I know that can accomplish this too. I still remember though from my Psychology class with Mrs. Singh (she's damn cool!) that there are people that can control their dreams and I was one of the 2 in the class that actually could (the other was Sin). She even asked us to describe how we control our dreams.

Here is how I used to do it!

When I was still a kid, I usually create dreams that I want. Usually it's from events that happen on the day that I don't find it having a good continuation or conclusion. So therefore, I dream! It's like entering into a player set and I'll be like I wanna dream this. And there it goes. From the dream I'll walk through from the beginning of the event and watch the plot unfolds. When I reach the part that I'll need to decide which course of plot to go on, I'll choose and if I don't like it, rewind and play another set of course! Rewind as much as I want to change the plot! The only thing I can't do is fast forward. So everything goes on real-time.

As I grew older, I was like, I'll drop the idea of creating my own dreams and let it happen in randomness. I'll only do the course changes and enjoy. So, if I'm dreaming of a random event or scene, I'll just let it happen and enjoy until I'm asked to decide how to continue. The same applies. Plus, when I come to parts that I really like, I'll just keep on replaying that part while sacrificing the answer to the ending.

Anyhow, I was having loads of dreams last night and there was one that was exciting and funny too. But somehow, as much as I wanted, I can't control the course or rewind anymore. Everything has taken its own gear. Damn!

Does this kind of control goes away with age (because we lose control to so many things as we grow older)?

*pondering ( ? .?)

Dedicated to booze

Where has it gone to?

Those night where we can just get booze in the house and savor it till our hearts content or till pissed drunk...

Seriously, such nights are in need!

Damn! I miss chilling and drinking sessions!

Nights!

A letter to someone

To someone,

I'm not sure who you are while you might be wondering who wrote this. Bear with me, as you read through the scripture written by someone of no importance.

I have left your port. A port where I have been anchoring my ship for a long time. Since as long as the kids down the street can remember. Since as long as I found this wonderful port. I set sailed once in awhile though not into a far distance. I return to the port that for me, seemed so much like a comfort nest. You fixed every board that was loosen. You gathered that many children around to listen to my grunts while weeping to my groans. There were times where the sea seemed so harsh to my ship and tore away my sail but coming back to your port makes it all fine again. The white sail changes color every time my ship anchors in as you would bring along your colored clothes to replace it. Times were such that my ship howls on the impossibility of sailing with these clothes but you changed them anyhow and the ship sails just fine.

Many waves have splashed the bay, we do not know how many. It was time for my ship and I to move on across the vast blue wonder. I'm a voyager not a stow-ager. Under the clear conscious of a brightly lit night, I set my white sail and started my long journey once again. Leaving your port that was once a home to me. For my ship, for myself. A place of solace.

Now, in the midst of a starry night, I once again hope that my battered ship is to be mend again by your port. How battered and worn out has it been since my ship sailed. The sea which has never cease to be harsh on my ship has tumbled it upside down and downward up. It is time for my ship to find a port once again. To rest, to be mend, and to be merry. Though I have lost my way to go back to your port.

From,
The writer

Beyond Scandal

What does everyone loves? Scandals! I have nothing to blog about but I feel like writing something just to tell everyone I'm still alive. Maybe as I type, my brain might go dead and I'm just gonna create some scandals for myself or for others! Oh! One of the biggest scandal ever for me. It's been going on for sometime now but I decided to repeat it again just to let some to like "WTF!"

I'm going on single folks!

That's all!

Show me some "Wow!" people!!!

Anyway, I thought of something to talk on. What's better than to talk about other than what my cousin sister suggested not too long ago today. Beyond concert! For those who are either too high class or too "ulu" to not to know who is "Beyond", behold!

Mario! "Qing Ren" wei... Come back sama-sama go la!

I thought they decided to go separate ways sometime ago but seemed like they're holding another concert for me on my homecoming. I haven't been to any of their concerts yet so this is gonna be the first! I do really hope that all 4 of them could sing again. Too bad that can never happen. If you don't know why, Google it!

Anyway, concert's gonna be on October 11th in Genting. Who ever wanna join us to go, do tell me yeah! We'll need to book tickets. So, make sure you confirm betul-betul or you'll still gonna pay even if you're not going! I can use the empty seat for my date then (free!). Haha. . .

Now my brain is really blank! Think I'm gonna retire early tonight.

See ya!

P.S.: To those who are like @.@ bout my earlier scandal, it's true ya know! Jack is having no lust (I think) at the moment now!